Two points of view

G has been teaching himself guitar for about 2 years now. He's quite good. Several weeks ago, I shared a few videos of him playing. My niece's husband(A) got in touch with me to let me know he has a friend with a recording studio. He invited us to come check it out. It's down in NO, & we finally got to go Saturday. We met at A's house & followed him to the studio. It wasn't anything huge, but certainly big enough to work in. And we found it quite impressive. G got to play his own guitar, then 2 others belonging to the studio owner. There was a drum set there, & G tried that out too.


They spent time in the mixing room. G even got to do a couple of "play a longs". The song was played with the guitar track dropped out, so the guitar you hear is G playing. It was an amazing day. I was so excited that we were able to give him this experience. Everyone thought he played great, and A even talked of getting G some software for recording and editing. He offered for G to spend a few days with them in the summer to spend the evenings at the studio when there'd be a band practicing. Just a wonderful experience.


Or so we thought. That evening, I could tell G was not happy. I told him his playing had been awesome. He disagreed. I asked if he'd had fun & he shrugged, "Not really." And the self bashing began. He claims to only be average for the amount of time he puts into it. He said he wishes that everyone would stop freaking out because he can play the guitar, that the studio wasn't what he expected, that he wasn't interested in the software. I couldn't understand how we had all thought he'd done great and he was so disappointed. Then I remembered he's 14. That time of life where things either "rule" or "suck" with nothing in between. He'd felt stressed out because he doesn't hear what we hear.

So, though I know I have to back off, I begin to worry. I want to help him find & develop his passions. I want to help him grow with everything. I want him to meet people who share his likes. And I told him so. He laughed, saying I was doing just as I had done when he was younger, trying to find stuff to expose him to when he didn't want that. There were many cool (to me) field trips that he said no to, and often the ones he said yes to where more about the people he'd be with than the experience. He's even more of an introvert than I realized. He says he just wants to be alone. He says all day he's reminded that he's not alone when he hears our footsteps in the hall. But he's saying all of this with a smile on his face. He really does want to be alone, he's not withdrawing because he's depressed. It took a while for me to really get it. He likes to be alone. Completely alone.

So once again, the "what is he learning" bug bit me. And once again, I have to remember it's not about me at all. He's going to be fine.