Good day, bad day

Today I became a great aunt for the 5th time. My oldest nephew & his wife had a baby boy this morning. It's his first child. A long awaited, long wished for child.

But the bad has overshadowed this great news. I've been deeply depressed for 2 days now, always at the point of tears. I know it's in part circumstantial. My close friend has been dealing with one bad blow after another for the past year, culminating with the death of her husband 6 months ago. It's been a hard 6 months for her, and it's been very hard to watch and unable to really help. Two weeks ago G told me he doesn't really believe in God anymore. This after a year in my church's student ministry. The first time I put my child in the hands of someone else and we were both failed miserably. Hubby's back continues to hurt him at all times, with occasional "bad" days which are coming more & more often. And of course, that's effected our finances. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he has a job, a good job, & works for good people, but we are just making it with nothing left over.

I was able to get an appointment in 3 weeks with the best psychiatrist I've ever seen. It's been 16 years since I've seen him. I had to stop because we lost our insurance, and then we got it again, it was a plan he didn't accept. For most of that time, my meds have been managed by my GP. I've done well on the medicine I take & have been at the same dosage for almost 8 years. I hope he's willing to start with just upping my dosage. I hate starting new meds. Either way, my GP isn't comfortable adjusting my meds. That's okay, I really like the psychiatrist I'll be seeing. He actually listened to me when I had other doctors wanting to try out different meds on me. That was a horrible 3 years (98-01). When I had to go back on prescriptions in 98, the psychiatrist I was able to get in with was just horrible. I left him after 3 years. For about 2 years after that, I did well on St. John's Wort, then ended up getting my prescriptions from my GP.

I have also come to the conclusion that I cannot consume alcohol at all. Not that I've ever been much of a drinker, but I'd have the occasional glass of wine at a wedding or other celebrations (maybe twice a year). Last weekend, I had half of a margarita & I think that is part of why I feel so bad. It's like it wipes the meds right out of my system & I'm starting from scratch. I also cannot miss even 1 dose without landing in this pit, so that's why I'm hoping to just up the dosage of my current medicine. It works, but just barely.

So pray for me if you are so inclined. I'll also take positive vibes and thoughts from those of you who do not pray.