Some good days

Monday was a decent day. It began early with Hubby showing me the huge kidney stone he passed. We had an unexpected, very welcomed visit from some dear friends. It was very cathartic to be able to talk to someone who gets me, & gets what I'm going through. Of course, by the evening that had changed. I watched far too much coverage of the tornado disaster in OK. Since Katrina, I really have to be careful about watching disaster coverage. I slept horribly - was awake til 4am, then had disturbing dreams until I got up at 11am.

Tuesday was better. G & I spent a lot of the day together. He's on a teenager's clock right now, living on about 28 hrs for a "day". So lately, many days he wasn't up til late afternoon. But it's coming around again. He's sleeping from about 6pm til 2am so he's awake when I get up. We enjoyed a lot of talking. He's been doing some writing, and has shared some of it with me. Not only is the content very good, his writing style is amazing for someone who's never had a grammar lesson. :)

I couldn't sleep again last night, even after taking a klonopin. We had terrible storms all night, so all 3 dogs ended up in bed with us. The sun is finally shining, but the yard is full of water. I'm looking forward to church tonight, mostly for the companionship. My in-real-life people will be there & I'll get plenty of much needed hugs.

6 days til I see my psychiatrist...

A bit better

So, this week has been pretty good. I've spent more time outside, which always helps. I found out we have a nesting Eastern Bluebird in our bird house. She's got the tiniest 4 blue eggs.


I also got a new bird feeder that I can see from my desk. The cardinals are loving it.


I did some gardening too, and there's just something special about getting your hands in the earth. Nothing feels quite like it.

Up & Down

So, I am still having rapid cycling bipolar crap. The lows are not as low as a few days ago (which I feel confirms my suspicion that the half margarita I had last weekend was a bad idea). It's going to be a long 18 days til my appointment.

I'm busy crocheting a blanket in stolen moments for my newest great-nephew, lil T. I hope to get to see him next week.

Good day, bad day

Today I became a great aunt for the 5th time. My oldest nephew & his wife had a baby boy this morning. It's his first child. A long awaited, long wished for child.

But the bad has overshadowed this great news. I've been deeply depressed for 2 days now, always at the point of tears. I know it's in part circumstantial. My close friend has been dealing with one bad blow after another for the past year, culminating with the death of her husband 6 months ago. It's been a hard 6 months for her, and it's been very hard to watch and unable to really help. Two weeks ago G told me he doesn't really believe in God anymore. This after a year in my church's student ministry. The first time I put my child in the hands of someone else and we were both failed miserably. Hubby's back continues to hurt him at all times, with occasional "bad" days which are coming more & more often. And of course, that's effected our finances. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he has a job, a good job, & works for good people, but we are just making it with nothing left over.

I was able to get an appointment in 3 weeks with the best psychiatrist I've ever seen. It's been 16 years since I've seen him. I had to stop because we lost our insurance, and then we got it again, it was a plan he didn't accept. For most of that time, my meds have been managed by my GP. I've done well on the medicine I take & have been at the same dosage for almost 8 years. I hope he's willing to start with just upping my dosage. I hate starting new meds. Either way, my GP isn't comfortable adjusting my meds. That's okay, I really like the psychiatrist I'll be seeing. He actually listened to me when I had other doctors wanting to try out different meds on me. That was a horrible 3 years (98-01). When I had to go back on prescriptions in 98, the psychiatrist I was able to get in with was just horrible. I left him after 3 years. For about 2 years after that, I did well on St. John's Wort, then ended up getting my prescriptions from my GP.

I have also come to the conclusion that I cannot consume alcohol at all. Not that I've ever been much of a drinker, but I'd have the occasional glass of wine at a wedding or other celebrations (maybe twice a year). Last weekend, I had half of a margarita & I think that is part of why I feel so bad. It's like it wipes the meds right out of my system & I'm starting from scratch. I also cannot miss even 1 dose without landing in this pit, so that's why I'm hoping to just up the dosage of my current medicine. It works, but just barely.

So pray for me if you are so inclined. I'll also take positive vibes and thoughts from those of you who do not pray.

Looks like I need to retract my last post...

It's COLD today! Not comfortable, not cool, cold! It's the 3rd of May, and it's 53° outside at 4:30pm. Yes, I know friends up north dealing with snow this late, but come on. This is Louisiana for goodness' sake! Tonight's low is forecast at 41° with a high of 61° tomorrow. Bundle up, people!